Ladies should be quiet; ladies should be proper; ladies should be... nice.
I was told that my behaviour was inappropiate, it was unladylike to make so much noise and especially unforgivable to take off my shirt. I was confused and I asked why my brother could do these things and I could not, and I was told, quite simply, "You are a girl". There was no malice, no ill intent, it was stated as a simple fact.
Over the years I learned the lesson of proper feminity well. I learned that as my body developed, I shouldn't play sports because it would cdistract the boys. How I shouldn't wear tight clothes or short skits because it drew attention. How to hold my tongue, be agreeable, be soft and be likeable.
I formed a protection weight barrrier in my early teens (...) And while I found respite on the stage, where I could scream, shout, shout and explore and abandon, my everyday existence was still about exhibiting a stright jacket of niceness.
(...) I was told I could not longer do what I could -acting- because I wasn't "nice or ladylike". I tried to comply. I worked hard to fit in to the ever-lightening onset of perceived womanhood. I couldn't breathe.
Every time the dhadows of my pasy kept me from continuing a discussion because it was not "nice", I had given permission for certain behaviors and prejudices to continue.
There it was, the summation of the majority of my life thus far: making allowances, shrinking to fit into the sspaces that we are grudgingly allowed. Be quiet? That is all I had ever been! I worked hard to appease, to placate, to never appear assuming or difficult or, heavens forbid, too assertive or ambitious. What had that accomplished?
To be clear, I am not saying I have the answers, and in no way am I looking to be an example. I am flawed, I am learning, and I make many mistakes. But what I am doing is cultivating my voice now, hoping to aid in amplifying the voices of the women around me.
*Dijo Yetide Badaki, la diosa del amor de American Gods.
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